Albums That Should Be Listened To Discreetly If In A Public Place With An Mp3 Player That Displays Album Art

Title Just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?..

Anyway, for those of us too cheap to drive to our place of work or education and, as such, exploit public transportation, you'd know that your Mp3 player can be your saviour from such perils as loud school kids or having to actually converse with passengers. However, one must show a little diligence when deciding to break out their iPod, not because it's antisocial or damaging to your ears, but because some of us posses albums with covers not really designed for a public place. To help tackle this gripping social issue, I've developed a handy lists of albums which, if you are going to listen to, do so with your music player's screen in a position away from the young or the elderly's eyes.

Big Black - Songs About Fucking

Pretty self-explanatory, Songs About Fucking is about as subtle as its album cover. What if a small child were to stumble upon it, how will you explain your way out of this one? Let's leave the sex talk to the parents.

Naked City - Entire Catalogue

Jesus Christ, look at this shit! As if Naked City weren't strange enough without pictures of bondage and uber-violence to accompany it. What would Great-Aunt Gladys say if she saw you listening to this morally bankrupt filth!

Mayhem - Dawn of the Black Hearts

Well, I suppose their lead singer's name was Dead, I just didn't think they meant it so literally...

Marilyn Manson - Mechanical Animals

Good god it's a naked woman! No, wait, it's a naked man!...huh...actually I'm not too sure what it is, all I know it has the capacity to mentally scar young children for years to come...

Electric Wizard - Dopethrone

For shame Electric Wizard. Surely you wish to be positive role models to little Johnny No-Drugs? Why then would you release an album containing none other than Satan himself smoking a bong? Won't somebody please think of the children?!?

Have A Nice Life - Deathconciousness

Now, we all feel a little down after having sat through Have A Nice Life's 85 minute album (it just keeps going), but surely there must be a better solution?

Moderat - Moderat

Foolish woman, punching yourself in the face. Don't you know you're encouraging self loathing in children or, worse, telling them it's okay to hit women? Combining this with your seeming belief that 'Sick With It' is a good song, I'm beginning to question your judgement entirely...

Skinny Puppy - Mind: The Perpetual Intercourse

Ladies and gentlemen, we have nipple.

Sunn O))) - Black One

Waah! Holy crap; just look at this thing! This cover gives me the creeps and I'm an adult, think of what it will do to little Billy Innocent-Mind, the poor thing will be damaged beyond repair!

The Flaming Lips - Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots

You know how impressionable kids can be, they may well see this and think it's okay for them to start battling giant robots without the two week correspondence course that is required under section 4.27 of the vigilante rule book. Then what? Anarchy, that's what.

Panda Bear - Person Pitch

Oh, looks innocent enough, but let's now skip forward five minutes...

The tiger's gone and torn everyone else to shreds! Surely Noah Taylor should have predicted a bloodbath when setting up this whimsical scene, but once again a a musician hasn't thought everything through. Thanks a lot Panda Bear; jerk.

Animal Collective - Merriweather Post Pavillion

I'm onto you Animal Collective, or should I say Lawyer Collective! You release an album like this, hoping for us to listen to it while sitting next to someone with epilepsy. Then what? Bam! Seizure. And who's going to lead the class action suit against me and my fruity album cover displaying ways? Why, none other than its creators! Don't think your little plan has slipped by me you electronic-indie fucks.

So, dear reader, head this warning and think twice before playing your potentially crippling filth. I always preferred the older iPods anyway...

The Greatest Page on the Internet?

I think I found it.


EDIT: No, this is it:
http://santiagohc.11.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?p=242575&sid=75c7b543cb764dd8b97f40f39fb1eaec

EPs Are Music Too

It's a habit that I'm very guilty of. I find myself interested in a band and am looking through their discography trying to find what release of theirs I want to get. LPs, live albums, collaborations, I consider these all fair game and try to pick out which one appeals to me the most. What I don't consider, however, is a band's extended play, or EP, releases.

For the very minute few of you who don't know what EPs are, EPs are music releases that are usually much shorter in nature than standard full length releases, with most hovering around the 20-30 minute mark. Unfortunately, I've developed a nasty habit of simply ignoring these shorter releases, wanting to dive head-first into a full-length record. "Fool!" I hear you say, "Have you forgotten about Godspeed You! Black Emperor's Slow Riot for New Zero Kanada? It contained some of the band's best and most concise work." I know, I know; it's easy to forget that sometimes an EP can be just as good if not better than a full length. Thus, in order to try and rectify my abuse of the EP format, I intend to review 3 EPs of which I have recently aquired and, in all cases, have been quite impressed with.

Meshuggah - I

Last.fm Page

Meshuggah are a band that are very much suited to the shorter, punchier nature of EPs (many people seem to find that they get a bit repetitive if you listen to them for too long). Consisting of a single 21 minute track (though it can be broken into 3 sections), I is a showcase of progressive and technical metal. What I found appealing about it was the solid percussion that, essentially, drives the entire song through. There's also a great variety of cool sounding riffs and guitar prowess that will keep you interested. I'm looking forward to seeing them at Soundwave next year.

7/10

Torche/Boris - Chapter Ahead Being Fake (Split)

Wikipedia Page

For those of you who know me, you'd know that I'm pretty obsessive over the Japanese power trio Boris. After their apparently disappointing last major release, Smile (which I don't currently have), it's good to see that the band still has it. The first track is 'King Beef' by sludge/stoner metal band Torche; it's nice and heavy with some cool effects going on in the background. This was my first experience with Torche and I must say that it's left quite an impression on me, definitely recommended for fans of Baroness or Mastodon. The other track, 'Luna' by Boris does a great job at keeping your attention for its 12 minute length. The track starts off as a sort of psychedelic piece, slightly reminiscent of their collaboration, 'Rainbow', with Michio Kurihara, but running at something like an unheard of 300+ beats per minute, Atsuo does a great job just to pull it off. Eventually the style changes to a doom/sludge sound, which is a very cool way to round out the album. This split really showcases both bands ability and works as a great introduction to either of the two. Highly recommended.

9/10

Mouse on the Keys - Sezession

Last.fm Page

Jazz and post rock. Sounds like a winning combination, but apart from the occasional excursion down this lane by World's End Girlfriend, something that I've yet to find a band that does this really well. Thankfully, I've now found such a band. Mouse on the Keys keep things fairly simple, with drums and piano making up the band's core (though do use saxophones and the like sometimes). It's hard for me to describe what I like about this EP, suffice to say that I absolutely adore it though. The drums are fantastic, the piano smooth and the other instruments masterfully used to make this record 22 minutes of bliss; it's great to see that a band is able to live up to the amazingly awesome fusion that jazz and post rock entails in my head. I give this EP 10/10, which I don't do very often at all so, for the love of god, check out this album. I can't recommend this band enough.

So as you can see, don't glance past EPs like they're Diet LPs or something, the shorter time length makes them a great way to check out a band you've never heard before and can sometimes be the band's best work. Something that I most of all need to continually remind myself...